Two years after that dreadful mistake – I’d emerged from my depression enough to begin to socialize a bit more. With such little self confidence and feeling as though I didn’t deserve to be treated good by anyone, let alone a partner, I accepted what was right in front of me.

I dated that man for over a year before I realized his life of drugs and alcohol were not something I wanted to be involved with. I was not into drugs and drinking had taken enough from me.

After passing out one night for a few hours, I woke up to get some water. When I walked out of the bedroom, I saw the man I was dating kissing on another girl. It was at that point, I knew I had to get out while I could – before I fell in too deep.

The next day I packed my belongings and headed home. The next few days I spent looking for a new job and getting my life back in order or at least putting a plan together to get there.

Several weeks passed and life was improving – I could see the darkness fading from under my eyes, the size 0 I’d become was slowly returning to the 5 I wanted to be. Things were good!

Next thing I knew, I had that same old sinus infection returning that I’d had a couple months prior. So I returned to the doctor to get checked up and get my next round of antibiotics.

It was during this doctors visit that I found out I was pregnant. Apparently my doctor had forgotten to tell me that the antibiotics I took on the first sinus infection caused issues with my pill – and stupid me, I didn’t read inserts at the time – so here I was, pregnant by the lowest form of life possible.

This time I would do this – I would not revisit the same decision I had before – I could do this on my own, with my family as a strong support, I’d be fine.

A few weeks passed when I had my first ultrasound. It was a that time I was told I was expecting twins. The doctor went on telling me all the warnings, risks, etc.

I knew at that point, I had to get back with their dad – and make it work, at least for a while. I needed insurance and I needed to be home with my babies after they arrived.

I went back to him – told him I was pregnant with twins in October. We made plans and married that December.

The day I married him, I remember my grandmother begging me not to marry him. She and my grandpa urged me to move with them and let them help me.

Me not wanting to be a burden, I had to do things my way.

I felt like God had forgiven me for what I had done before and was now giving me two babies to show his forgiveness. How could I not be grateful?