I’m beginning to think there’s something taboo about that 1st year anniversary from when I begin dating a guy. It is however, an improvement over the 6 month mark I’d previously grown accustomed to.

As I we come up on the anniversary of the date we began dating, I’m finding myself challenged to even function as half of a couple.

The unemployment rate is high and “A” is caught up in that mess. He’s been working hard to find a job and that seems to be easy for me to blame his actions on that.

When we first began seeing each other, he seemed so ambitious, attentive and loving. We could lay awake all night long talking about things that were important to us. Our sex life was amazing – I really believed I’d found someone I was compatible with on every possible level.

Late last summer, I began feeling somewhat displaced. Something just wasn’t right – he was growing distant. After showing up at his place out of the blue, I discovered he had spent hours upon hours, daily, watching porn.

I know every man does it and as much as I am disgusted by this activity, we did negotiate to him partaking in the watching of porn once in a while. But daily was out. If he felt the need to watch it daily and for hours on end, there was an additional problem that needed addressed.

That issue was handled and set aside.

Enter the next issue. Since late October, we’ve had sex THREE times. I think he’s kissed me (with tongue) ONCE since then.

He claims it’s an issue with ED, so we bought something help the problem. Three times out of the 30 possible in that little bottle. I’m beginning to feel like it’s me and that I’m somehow not attractive enough or that he is back to the porn issue and getting that stimulation someplace else.

When I mention it to him, he gets upset and says he is sick of talking about it and that my placing so much pressure on him makes it even more difficult for him to perform.

We place that issue on the shelf while I hope it will eventually resolve on its own.

When we began seeing each other, I explained to him that I love my family – I love my man and I love taking care of them. I love to fix healthy meals – sit at the table as a family – watch television together – lay in bed with my man and rub his back. I enjoy doing just about anything I can to make my man feel loved, appreciated, desired and respected.

I did explain to him however, that when all those actions get to the place that they are expected instead of appreciated – that’s when I hang up the hat and stop finding pleasure in them.

Enter next issue…

Those actions are now expected.

“A” will sit in the recliner and hold up an empty glass with a “honey, can you get me some more pop?”

“A” will roll over in bed with a little wisp of the fingers on my arm or thigh letting me know he would like to have his back scratched.

While I am attempting to do something constructive around the house or something important that needs to be done, “A” will ask me to stop and fill out some form or application for him online. Some applications take up to an hour to fill out.

“A” falls asleep in bed with the television on. When I ask him to shut it off as he is dosing, he asks me to set the alarm instead.

I do.

He falls asleep in bed with the remotes that often results in our spending 5 plus minutes looking for them once they’ve been lost in the covers or behind the headboard or footboard.

Yep, this frustrates the hell out of me.

I keep telling myself things will change drastically when he gets back to work full time.

But then I pause and wonder – Am I just kidding myself?

I’m lost!

I’ve always said I’d rather be alone and lonely then to be with someone and lonely. I’m wondering if that’s where I’m headed now.