My name is Annie  and I’m a single mom. Currently, I’m dating a man who lives halfway across the country. We grew up in the same small town and then reconnected on Facebook. He’s been my boyfriend  for seven months now. In that time I’ve seen him for four days (one visit). That was at the end of May. It is now almost November.

Before he came for the visit, we were on what I considered the right track.”We talked a lot – we had what we called phone dates – we had similar goals for the future and there was a definite connection. I felt that our relationship had everything necessary to grow. While he was here, it went very well, for the most part, although we did have one argument. My family liked him. My friends, whom he already knew from when we were growing up, they all liked him. When he left, he said he’d be back soon.

When he called me from home, he said things like, “It’s boring to talk on the phone now, because I want so much more.” He still texted a lot, but there no more phone dates. We started arguing a lot. I feel that if a long distance relationship is going to grow, it needs a certain amount of work. You’ve got to maintain that connection, you’ve got to have some sort of sharing and allowing the other person to somehow feel a part of your life even when you are apart.

During one argument he said, “What is it with you? Do you expect me to come every other month or something?”  Well, yeah, I did. I offered to share travel costs (too expensive for me to travel there with my kids). He said I was pushing and he did not want to talk about visits anymore. I stopped asking when I was going to see him again.

Then, in September he told me that he could no longer afford to come for a visit. He said it would be February before he could afford it. I offered to pay, thinking that this was an investment in our future. Nope. He would not let me pay.

At this point, we are texting pals. We go weeks without talking on the phone at all. I think about breaking it off. Every day I think about it. I care about him very much, but this is not working for me anymore. February is a long way off. We only spent 4 days together. Texting sucks.

What does he think?  He doesn’t really say anything about being unhappy with the way things are. He sent me a text the other day, after a fight on the phone, saying that he wanted to look for a job out here in February. I feel like it’s too late. He just doesn’t seem to get that this is not working anymore. He’s been single a long time and I think he is very comfortable just hanging out on his own, doing his thing. I want a man in my life. I don’t want a texting pal.

Sometimes I think he just wants to be able to say, “I have a girlfriend,” without actually being a boyfriend. Have you ever heard of a guy like this? 

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